I am obsessed with music. Who isn't? Anyway, I've been feeling a little negative lately...wait, scratch that, not negative, but something sort of like that. Ugh, I hate to post a sob story, but, it feels like I'm not really close to many people. I have my family and all, but, I don't really want to bother them too much, because I know they're busy. Some of my cousins already think they're my only friends... I guess I'm a little insecure. I have friends, don't get me wrong, I'm not a loner, but I don't think it would be right to talk about personal things right after meeting them. I guess I wish I wasn't moving so much. I mean, I see all these people that have known each other for years, and in my heart, I wish, just a little, that I had those things too. Maybe I'm just too block headed. I have my parents, but, I really don't feel like talking to them about my personal feelings all the time.
I know God is always there with me, but it's nice to get a person's opinion, maybe? That makes me sound sort of selfish. Maybe I am. Agh, I need to stop. I just wish I lived closer to the people I know and love. I have that wish a lot. But, I guess I'm stuck here in San Diego to make myself stronger. I'm not a people person, yet I move a lot. How ironic? I don't know, because all of these experiences have made me grow.
Eh, I just went from being all bleh to talking about how...I am lucky? Not lucky, but blessed. There's always this tiny pulling feeling to want MORE though. Resisting is hard sometimes, and I think a lot of people know what I'm talking about. God, I need to stop this self-pity. It's making me all weak. I mean, there are people starving and getting killed in Africa and all, and I'm sitting here complaining. Praying is the best thing I can do right now, instead of writing on this blog. Look, I just gave myself the answer!...
oh my gosh Kimmy.
ReplyDelete"I mean, I see all these people that have known each other for years, and in my heart, I wish, just a little, that I had those things too."
I know exactly what you mean.
Your blog frickin' sounds exactly like mine when I was 12. Seriously.
In fact, it's a bit like mine right now...
Like, for the past four years, I didn't really have a best friend...it was like I'd stare at the friendships other people had, longing for that to be my own. It was as if I was asking, "Is there any room for me here? Is there any room?"
Because I always felt like I was intruding on the friendships of others even though I wanted to be friends too...
My goodness. I'm sorry I didn't pick up your call awhile back...
I don't remember when you called, but I just know you did. I probably didn't pick up for some lame excuse like I was busy or whatever. ANYWAYS!
I just wanted to tell you that God will provide those friends for you, he's done that for me this year so it almost seems weird for me to open up to people when it's always been me, God, and my journal with my personal thoughts. And...dude! I'm hear! I'll talk to you anytime (except my cellphone is out right now so...yeah) and don't ever think you're bothering me (because that's how I feel sometimes when I talk to people) or anything because I'm always willing to be there and stuff. And not when you're just going through stuff either, just talk to me about random stuff too! Anyway...I just wanted to offer you some sort of encouragement, even if it's not really...well-written/well-said.
That's exactly how I feel.
ReplyDeleteLike I'm bothering someone every time I utter a word to them. Even though I want to talk to them so badly. Yes, my journal and God were the few things I poured my heart out too, also.
Thank you, again. For giving me, well I can't think of the word right now, but backing-upping? And for the invite to talk. It's really nice. I know that God will answer somehow, it's probably in motion right now. (Your post, for example?) I guess I just don't realize what I have around me sometimes. Did anyone ever tell you you're really nice? Well, you are, Liana. Thanks again. Maybe we can go talk about the greatness of books or mustard sometime. Wait, scratch that, I don't like mustard.