Mica the Retarded Fish.

"Mica the retarded fish"

I love drawing it.

Toppled

I am feeling ________.
You know, I cannot really describe this in one word.
It's been an amazingly great week with family and friends.
I should be really thankful. Well, I am. Very.

Yet, I can't help but to feel a vague feeling
that I don't really belong there.
It's stupid, I realize that.
But maybe it isn't.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, San Francisco seems simply an escape from my life back at home. And I really like it.

But, I am aware that I can't always be here. That someday, there will be no more staying here for a month, or even a week, because I would become too old to plop in my aunt's house. It should be now. My parents were even hinting me. And I feel bad.

Despite knowing that, I know I have some problems to solve. And being here will help, I think...

My spiritual situation is on the rocks. I can't find the spark, for some reason.
Is it because of those nights staying up at two in the morning, being so tired that I can't even pray a decent prayer anymore?

Heck, I haven't opened a Bible in a week.

Now that I think about it, I really needed Youth Retreat. It's done with, though. God did it for a reason.

My parents need me, though.. Even though I'm just a kid, I think I'm the one who has to take action in the family. I've been too scared to do anything myself. Even though they're adults, they're acting like children a lot. Not to judge, because I am extremely immature myself, but, still. If you saw them, you'd understand. I don't know...

I really need to try. I'm not even succeeding in my diet. These worries, taking over my head. So stupid. I really need to read over one or two of my posts to get a hold of myself. Then have a long talk with God.

What's wrong with me?

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
I need to fix things...

I think this is

cool.

Father's Day.

I know I've been writing in this thing too much, but...

I hate it when someone tells me I look like my dad.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I shouldn't use the word hate...

I mean, my dad is cool and an awesome guy,

I just...

don't want to be told I look like him.

Everyone has a first, right?

I love pictures. I'm sure you would too. ANYWAY.


Today, well, actually yesterday, I hung out with a friend.
And, well, we hung out for a bit, and saw her friend or something.
Well, it was all going fine and okay, but...
Then he started talking about how he did bud and stuff.
And invited us.
Anyway, I said NO of course.
And I'm proud of myself.
But it surprises me that people in seventh grade already do weed and stuff.
I really haven't kept up with the times, huh?

I saw a stoned seventh grader. Not pretty.

I swear, people get dumber and dumber each day.

To put it simply,

I am bored.

And, for this post, I will write whatever is on my mind.

I have been pessimistic lately, for some reason.

Maybe it's due to being cooped up in this house.

I've been on a diet.

And it's hard.

But, I just have to remind myself to keep going forward.

Oh yeah,

my birthday is coming up.

On July 2nd.

And I'm celebrating it in San Francisco.

Frankly, I am not good at planning anything.

I sincerely wish I could have Ate Joy's awesome planning skills on my side right now.

My parents want my party to be on July 4th.

Bleh, not good at this kind of stuff, once again.

But putting that aside,

Is there anything important to think about?

Ever since my last birthday, I haven't really thought much of my OWN birthday.

Another day closer to death.

Another day to resemble the days you've gone through this world that gives no chances unless you fight for it.

Now, this is nothing related to God.

I believe God is...

indescribable.

In a good way.

Anyway, how was my day?

I finished Touching Spirit Bear.

A nice book, but sort of an abrupt ending?

I guess it would be strange with any other possible outcome though.

I ran on the treadmill a little bit.

But ended up eating Taco Bell.

Gah.

In all seriousness,

even when I'm with God,

I know in my other post I said I always felt nice, and I still do, but

it's just hard sometimes.

To be optimistic all the time.

No, I'm not.

It's hard to keep up that feeling.

You'd think since it's summer, you'd be relieved and not feel any of these feelings, huh?

Just the feeling of pure relief.

Well, I thought so too.

Very much.

I guess I should have expected that life would still hand me trials.

Which it is.

But in the end, they're blessings in disguise.

Although they don't seem like it, they can make you stronger in person.

A benefit in disguise.

Or it can be blunt.

Creating yet another blessing in disguise.

It feels like a circle.

Walking in a circle.

Yet the line is so easy to astray from.

AH, STOP.

I should be thankful.

Which I am.

I'm getting confused just writing!

Ah, moving to another topic before this eats me up.

Hm, what else happened?

I got to finish two of Miyazaki's movies today.

I did some of my mom's bills with my trusty calculator.

And, I'm writing in this blog.

I love writing here, seriously.

Studio Ghibli

Well,

I have been

watching

non-stop

movies

for the past

two or three days.

I can't really remember which.

I've only really watched movies from Hayao Miyazaki, though.

He's a real genius man.

Spirited Away

Howl's Moving Castle

Kiki's Delivery Service

Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea

(part of)Grave of Fireflies

Princess Mononoke

(most of)My Neighbor Totoro

(and currently watching)The Girl who Leapt Through Time

That's pretty much all I've watched so far.

I'll have plenty of opportunities to watch the rest of his movies (I've probably only gone through around half) through the next week, because I really can't go anywhere outside of the neighborhood because I can't drive.

I love his movies.

A lot.

They're nice.

And they deserve more publicity in the USA.

How did I come across these?

Well, when I was a tiny little kid, I remember watching Kiki's Delivery Service.

Then, when I was six (or seven) I watched Spirited Away in theaters.

And in fifth grade or so I came across Howl's Moving Castle on DVD at my friend's house.

And was obsessed with it for a couple days -

Then dropped it.

Couple months ago, I became obsessed again during my spring break.

Then I dropped it.

Now, it's summer, and I'm yet watching more of Studio Ghibli's movies.

Anyway, that was probably heartbreakingly boring to read.

My point is?

If you ever have the time,

go and check one out.

I suggest starting out with Spirited Away.

They're really beautiful.

And, they're easy to find if you look in the right places.

Okay.

I am currently done with this post of obsession.

Words make me think.

"I used to think that you were strong-minded, but now you don't seem like it anymore."

My dad said that a couple days ago to me, and it made me wonder. Why?

Thinking...

I do believe that I have a strong mind.

Alexis is gay by the way. (lol)

That's what you get for calling my blog stupid! Well, that's not a really "that's what you get", but you get what I'm talking about.

Watch Pan's Labyrinth! Nice movie. ^_^

Okay, so...

I was going to save this post for tomorrow when school ended, but, it wouldn't really matter anyway. It's been a nice school year. Lots of ups and downs. Wait, not downs, but rather, blessings in disguise.

Many things happened this year.

I've changed. A lot.

At least, I'd like to think that.

Ever since I sincerely accepted God, my heart felt nice. Nice? I can't really explain it any other way than that extremely vague way of translating it. Nice.

Overwhelming, yet extremely nice.

Filled, instead of empty.

Content. Happy. I couldn't really say these words could even come close to describing my heart ever since it happened.

It's a much greater feeling.

Even though I moved schools, family issues occurred, and had a vague feeling of "home"sickness every time I went to bed, I still felt nice.

I had finally found a purpose to go on. Not good grades, or to have a nice million dollar house when I grow up, but God.

Peace.

I love this feeling.

Praying is an enjoyment, not a chore. I have come to love talking to God.

Thanking him for my blessings, and although he probably already knows, telling him about what happened in the day and how I felt about it.

I regularly pray now.

A year ago, I never even thought about God, or about any other people other than myself.

I thought everyone had a purpose for themselves in everything they did. A motive.

I was so foolish.

I know.

I learned to love that one day, though.

August 23rd, 2008.

I was aware of God before then, and slightly applying it, but that day was when it all happened.

It's an indescribable feeling! A feeling so great, that there are no words to describe it.

It puts me at peace just thinking of that incredible moment.

I love all the people I've met. And you know who you are. (Because you know me, and that's why you're probably reading this.)

I've learned to open up to people, and become less shy.

(I've had a few problems with that in the past, even now, but not as much.)

I've moved again, but I met a lot of new friends, and still have access (bad way to word it) to my old ones, unlike last time.

ANYWAY.

I felt like I've grown up a lot during this year, and yet, I'm still a selfish little kid in a way.

I say wrong things every single day of my life. My actions aren't always so good.

But, with God, I'll continue to be a stronger person, living through these blessings in disguise.

Oh, joy!

I know this is a little soon, but this is a historic moment. Well, no, it is not, but I want to share it.
After four grueling hours of headaches, and an extra thirty minutes of nagging from my mother (She's still cool though), I finally got to transfer photos from my Blackberry to my computer! I can also transfer audio files, but that takes oh-so long. I can use video since I updated it, too. ANYWAY.

I got my mother sort of mad today. What did I do? I said it was a stupid decision to stop in the middle of the street during a red light (that turned green right when she started), park, and pull the cover down in the sports car. That took ten seconds. People were probably pretty pissed at us. By the way, I did not mean for her to hear that. And I'm sorry. Not just because she said I could not go to San Francisco.

I cleaned my room today. I ran all the way to East Lake Elementary School and back. I am awesome.

I ate nachos. I sat on the computer for a couple hours. I am not awesome.

I would average for in between, hm?

I want to see Up again. It was a truly awesome movie. It made me tear up. Five minutes into the movie, I was crying. Pixar has made a wonderful piece of art, once again. Track 3 of the Up soundtrack? The thing that did it all. The first five minutes was one of the best parts of the movie. All the parents crying and the kids confused? That's the nice part about it. Everyone can watch it. But, I hate how they sell tiny crayons and beginning chapter books to exploit movies. I think it just ruins it. I saw a beginning chapter book of the movie, and I could not help but to feel sad for a little bit. I know it's to make money, but you can't help but feel that it ruins it, just a little bit? Anyway, I love this movie, and I hope to watch it again. And I haven't seen Wall-e yet, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyone up for seeing Up with me? :).

Anyway, it was overall an okay day. I did not get much accomplished, but it was one of those Saturdays when you slack off and do nothing, except for walk your dog or something.

Thank you for this day, every day to come, and every day that has passed, God! And by the way, I looked the soundtrack of Up on Youtube, and I'm thinking of buying it. It's the part that actually made me cry. That's really one of the only movies that made me CRY. (Not sob, but, you get the point.) This goes next to Spirited Away!

Gosh, I ended up talking about it again. Good night!

Relief.

A few days ago, I was panicked.
Now, I am relieved. Not just relieved, but a stronger word for that.
I like being relieved. It's a nice feeling.
But in the back of my head, I feel like I know it's going to go away sometime.
I shouldn't think that way, I know.
It's oh so hard, though.
I wish I could stay optimistic. I don't.
I start out that way, but I get brought down in the process.
Problems seem like the world to me sometimes.
They take over my head.
And once it's over with, I find that I've spent so much time worrying, that I wasted more time doing that than actually handling the situation correctly.
God is with me.
I should know that.
But do I always apply that? No.
I'm far from perfect, I know.
But, it would be good to just go.
To charge head on whatever's coming my way,
and not care whether it's big or not.
To know that God's right by my side; I do,
Between panicking and God, though, which do I usually choose?
Thinking rationally doesn't work sometimes.
How do I apply God to all my problems all the time? How do I apply him to my social life?
I know I make some wrongs, but I make a couple of rights in between, too.
Sometimes I just forget. And it makes me feel weak.
But I can do anything with Him.
I can.
I can.
Yes, I can.

How to install LOVE.

I got this from gabe bondoc's tumblr. (I was just looking at a video and I came across it...) Yes, I do have a lot of time on my hands. Wait, scratch that, I don't, I just waste so much time even though I have little of it left. I SHOULD be studying for spanish finals right now, but I'm on here. Ah, gotta work that off. ANYWAYS.
This was a nice read.
gabebondoc.tumblr.com

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?


Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?


Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?


Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?


Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?


Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?


Tech Support: What programs are running ?


Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.


Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?


Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?


Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.


Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?


Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.


Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error
- Program not run on external components.” What should I do?


Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.


Customer: So, what should I do?


Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.


Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.


Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?


Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.


Customer: Thank you, God.