I HAVE

A Tumblr!
Itsfirelandnotdisneyland.tumblr.com.

Anyway,
the post I wrote earlier on tumblr:

["I honestly

need to read the Bible right now. Figure things out. I do make too many mistakes, and to say that I’m truely trying to work on it is a lie. I think and wish that I would start to fix it, and I start to, but something just brings me down again. I wish I could help other people, instead of only myself. I really am selfish, and I know it. Honestly, I am really in a rocky situation right now, and yet, I’m not doing anything. It can’t always be like this, y’know. Someone yelling, screaming, and ignoring me after my mistakes isn’t helping. I will always make those dumb little mistakes, it’s pretty much been a part of me. Tripping on things, I don’t TRY to do those things. I say a lot of wrong things, but I don’t TRY to do those. I don’t want to cause trouble to anyone else, even if it hurts myself. Yet I don’t actually DO it. I’m living off my family even as we speak. How can I help both myself and others? How do I become closer to Him? What should I do? Honestly, I don’t know right now. I’m not just talking about my cousin, I’m talking about everyone else. I make too many mistakes, I have to be more mature. I need to start, yet I am not.

Posing questions to myself makes me more confused. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. Not vent to a person, but to God. He has a path, I know it. He gives blessings every single second of my day, I know that. I love him with all my heart. I just wish that I didn’t make so many dumb mistakes."]

After a long talk with my older cousin about responsibility due to me forgetting my sock and my toothbrush and a lot of other things, I finally got it into my head that I don't have to do everything now. I will still make tons of mistakes, I just have to learn from them now, instead of sitting there trying to figure out how to grow up in a day. He was exactly right. I was trying to become an adult when I was most certainly not. Maybe I am like every other teenager. The problem lingering in my head is being the same. I don't want to be a rebel, but I never want to be that girl that gossips all the time about random useless things and goes around the school asking for lotion like hobos ask for food. I have God with me. "I am different." Oh well. I will let that thought linger in my head without trying to get it out, hopefully.