Toppled

I am feeling ________.
You know, I cannot really describe this in one word.
It's been an amazingly great week with family and friends.
I should be really thankful. Well, I am. Very.

Yet, I can't help but to feel a vague feeling
that I don't really belong there.
It's stupid, I realize that.
But maybe it isn't.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, San Francisco seems simply an escape from my life back at home. And I really like it.

But, I am aware that I can't always be here. That someday, there will be no more staying here for a month, or even a week, because I would become too old to plop in my aunt's house. It should be now. My parents were even hinting me. And I feel bad.

Despite knowing that, I know I have some problems to solve. And being here will help, I think...

My spiritual situation is on the rocks. I can't find the spark, for some reason.
Is it because of those nights staying up at two in the morning, being so tired that I can't even pray a decent prayer anymore?

Heck, I haven't opened a Bible in a week.

Now that I think about it, I really needed Youth Retreat. It's done with, though. God did it for a reason.

My parents need me, though.. Even though I'm just a kid, I think I'm the one who has to take action in the family. I've been too scared to do anything myself. Even though they're adults, they're acting like children a lot. Not to judge, because I am extremely immature myself, but, still. If you saw them, you'd understand. I don't know...

I really need to try. I'm not even succeeding in my diet. These worries, taking over my head. So stupid. I really need to read over one or two of my posts to get a hold of myself. Then have a long talk with God.

What's wrong with me?

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
I need to fix things...